On Earth To Experience, To Feel.
Have you ever felt like checking out, like nothing is worth living for, everything hurts and you enter a state of numbness that makes you lose sight of your purpose / why you're even bothering with life on this Earth?
I did a couple of times as a child, I never fully understood why, it was some kind of imbedded knowing that I wanted to leave, and in hindsight I feel now it is to do with my energy and type of soul that I am, which has given me the knowledge on how I could best help any similar souls/children that cross my path. A couple of times during mid high school I experienced the same feeling, but since then never - I've experienced moments of deep heart break and disappointment, but nothing that put me in the type of state I experienced earlier this week. Maybe it came as a reminder, so I have compassion for others going through the same emotions/thoughts, maybe I was having an upgrade to my consciousness, maybe I just needed some fuel for change – whatever the reason, like always in hindsight I'm beyond grateful for it, because I truly feel like I have expanded in more ways than one by having worked through it.
This isn't a cry for attention, please don't message me if I'm okay, because I'm more than okay! Even if I were to check out, I would also be okay, that is my path, however it would be a wasted path because I do believe that we come to Earth in order to experience emotions, gain knowledge and consciously create, and therefore would not have actually gone through with checking out, just had the feeling of wanting to. I think someone ending their life means the load got too heavy for them, and unfortunately it isn't commonly taught that we only ever get given what we can handle in this life. Which isn't to take away from anyone's painful experience/s, every single thing and emotion is relative, and everyone has their own moments of demons/battles, e v e r y s i n g l e human, knowing that makes it easier to stop comparing our life to someone else's, our battles are very different but all relative.
I have learnt that there is such a beauty to having our heart broken (by life itself, by friends, by an intimate lover, by failed projects etc. there are so many reasons that our hearts can hurt, it's understanding why that gives us the power to name the poison and release it), instead of trying to quickly stitch a broken heart back up and build guards around it (which prevents us from truly and deeply living/experiencing), it is important to empower ourselves by recognising that the heart hurts, it feels broken and/or numb from sadness, release all resistance against the emotions your body is naturally feeling. There is nothing weak about being vulnerable, so don't lie to yourself or others because of that misconception, be true to how you feel and you'll notice you actually end up completely empowering yourself! If you feel like crying, do it, flood those tears, make crazy human noises, scream (in a safe space), punch a mattress or a pillow, whatever you need to do that doesn't effect another being, just make sure you
1. recognise and name the emotion (don't lie to yourself) and it's okay if this takes time
2. move the energy, be true to what your body feels like doing!
3. don't ignore it/distract yourself from feeling it because that will create stagnant energy in the body which will eventually come up as dis-ease if not worked on. It is always so much easier for the body to release emotions as they are happening rather than digging up blockages from the past
4. understanding why we feel a certain way gives us power over the emotion, and helps us in similar future situations, if you're having a hard time understanding why, there is nothing wrong with seeking guidance from someone else who you trust and has experience with human behaviour.
I might share my story in the next post because in hindsight it has a layer of humour and cuteness to it (in hindsight!!) One of the best reminders through every experience is what Nature shows us so perfectly 'this too shall pass', nothing is constant, holding yourself back from experiencing emotions or risking heart break will keep you from deeply experiencing this human life.